How to Explain...

i am having a lot of trouble explaining this kink i have to my partner. How do you tell someone you want to be spanked? i mean...i already told her, and she's clear on that part. After i stumbled and blushed and tried to make any sense of what i was trying to communicate to her, she simply said, "So, you like to be spanked."

Yes...i like to be spanked.

That should be easy enough, but it's not. It's not just about being spanked...it's everything that goes along with submitting to someone in that way. It's the scolding, it's the power exchange, it's the control i want taken away from me... i don't want to just be Mindlessly spanked. i want there to be Reason's why i'm being spanked. i want there to be expectations placed upon me. i want structure, and accountability..and i don't want to have to ask for a spanking, Ever again. i want her to know, by my actions, when i'm begging for her discipline.

It seems So easy to me and natural. But how do i take that ease and place it in the hands of someone who's never even heard of this lifestyle? How do i explain to a vanilla that seems so intrigued by this new world i'm trying to open up to her?

i'm even having very strong Dominant thoughts about playing with her...maybe to show her what i want? i'm not sure why it's coming out that way because i am the submissive...and i have this very strong desire to turn her over my knee. That's Crazy!

Agony...

That's what i feel of late. Pure Agony! i have a crush, and she won't even look at me! i try to get closer to her without seeming so creepy, but i'm Failing...Miserably! i think i'm just gonna shut up now and leave her alone before she Totally gets rid of me. She's making me bleed!

i got spanked today...

i got spanked today. With the Jokari paddle! i know i deserved it. She said, "You need a Spanking! Go get your paddle." So, i did.

She keeps it in my panties drawer so i will see it every morning as a reminder of what happens in this house when young women misbehave...

When i returned with the paddle, she made me stand at the foot of my bed and told me to pull my shorts and panties down. "ALL the way, down...to your ankles, sly." So, i did.

She put her hand on my shoulder and pushed forward until she had me bent over the bed, my bottom all exposed and vulnerable...

"Crack!" went the first lick, and i about came off the bed! i couldn't believe how hard it was. Mommy was Mad! Then "Crack!" went the second lick, and i started to cry. i usually don't cry when i get spanked. By the third "CRACK!" She started scolding me. After that, i lost count. i was in another world. i could still hear the crisp sound of the wood against my bare skin, and my bottom was a blazing fire, but all that was to me in that moment was her tone as she transformed me back into the obedient young lady she expects me to be, "At All/Crack! Times/CRACK!"

And my bottom is still hot. :)

love,
~sly

A Sunday...

i was so good today...so, so good. i want nothing more than to crawl in her bed and cuddle up close to her. Impossible at the moment. i have so much to say, but can't seem to open my mouth. It's beyond words...i hear that clock ticking. It's deafening. Helpless. Distance. How. Why? ...Please!

Life is cruel.

The News...

She told me last night...She's very, very sick. She said she won't be around much longer. She's in a world of sunshine and beauty...living her dream...living near the ocean...living out her life the way she's always wanted. i admire her courage to...Live. i'm not doing too well with knowing, but i'm glad i know. i at least understand things better now. It all makes perfect sense.

but, i'm going to miss my friend...

Christmas Eve...

i got a little weepy on Christmas Eve thinking of Her. She was leaving...packed up in a U-Haul truck towing her car behind. i had not talked to her in several days. We had a falling out...and it was over. i had no intenions of ever speaking to her again, but she kept calling and leaving messages. In between my moments of anger of what had unfolded between us, i was beginning to feel what i, myself, had lost, so i put the anger aside and finally returned her call.

She was already on I-85 headed south to make a new life. She cried. Told me she was sorry. Told me how much i meant to her. She talked of her future plans and was quiet happy with her decission to leave town. i was happy for her and wished her well. Told her i looked forward to the day i could forget and put the hurt behind me, but i just wasn't quite there yet. Trust was broken, and for me, that's Huge...

There was a small part inside of me that was relieved that she was leaving town...relieved that she would just move on and forget about me. i know that may sound strange, but yes, i wanted her to forget me.

The hurt started to creep back in...how one day, the Last day i spent with her, was such a special day for me and our relationship. Then, literally, the next day, it all came to an end. i was a little sad that i didn't rush out and find her just to give one last hug to her before she was gone forever, and i started to cry. i needed to. i needed to heal. Then i remembered that last day, and how wonderful it was. Sweet. Innocent. And with every bit of confidence that i had found my match. A bit of knowledge she would never even know...

~Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Perfect Day...

It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioner on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched horizontally from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get supper on the stove once she woke up. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...~

And that's how i choose to remember Her and how it was.

love,
~sly

A Perfect Day...draft.

It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioning on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up on me. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched vertically from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get dinner put on the stove once she woke up and ate lunch. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...