i got a little weepy on Christmas Eve thinking of Her. She was leaving...packed up in a U-Haul truck towing her car behind. i had not talked to her in several days. We had a falling out...and it was over. i had no intenions of ever speaking to her again, but she kept calling and leaving messages. In between my moments of anger of what had unfolded between us, i was beginning to feel what i, myself, had lost, so i put the anger aside and finally returned her call.
She was already on I-85 headed south to make a new life. She cried. Told me she was sorry. Told me how much i meant to her. She talked of her future plans and was quiet happy with her decission to leave town. i was happy for her and wished her well. Told her i looked forward to the day i could forget and put the hurt behind me, but i just wasn't quite there yet. Trust was broken, and for me, that's Huge...
There was a small part inside of me that was relieved that she was leaving town...relieved that she would just move on and forget about me. i know that may sound strange, but yes, i wanted her to forget me.
The hurt started to creep back in...how one day, the Last day i spent with her, was such a special day for me and our relationship. Then, literally, the next day, it all came to an end. i was a little sad that i didn't rush out and find her just to give one last hug to her before she was gone forever, and i started to cry. i needed to. i needed to heal. Then i remembered that last day, and how wonderful it was. Sweet. Innocent. And with every bit of confidence that i had found my match. A bit of knowledge she would never even know...
~Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioner on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched horizontally from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get supper on the stove once she woke up. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...~
And that's how i choose to remember Her and how it was.