She's Like the Wind...

Okay...it's kept me up all night TWICE this week already, so i guess i need to blog a little about it just to get it out...

i have another crush. it's been going on for a long time now, but lately it's become a bit more serious. She's a straight girl, of course! i always seem to fall for the straight ones. Maybe i like the challenge? i don't know, but it seems to be what i'm attracted to. All of my long term relationships have been with straight women...go figure. They say things like, "I'm not a lesbian, but I sure Love you!"

So, anyway, been flirting Hard and Heavy with this girl lately, and She's been loving it and flirting back just as hard. Flat out TEASING me is more like it! i love it...but it's starting to Really drive me nuts! i Want this girl...So Bad! i even have permission to give her massages (and i mean permission from my wife AND the girl too!) Long story on my wife and our understanding now, but we've come a long way and honesty and being in touch with myself along with communication goes a long way in a relationship. bottom line, i'm allowed to play with people outside of our relationship as long as it's out in the open and discussed beforehand. She doesn't want details, but at the same time, does not want to be left in the dark either. It's working for us.

But the girl...OMG, the girl! She's 4 years younger than me but seems older to me. It's probably the dominant side that makes Her seem older, i guess. She looks like Marilyn Monroe...blond hair, ruby lips, lily white skin...She's ALL Woman! i've come out to Her about my kinky lifestyle. She teases me, calling me "Her bad girl" or "Her good girl!" OMG...She does Not Know what She's doing to me by saying those things! i've even teasingly threatened to spank Her, and She's Always receptive to it, answering me saying, "Tease!" or "Don't promise what you can't deliver." And i assure Her, i'm Not teasing...just testing. She said that's basically the same thing, and i said, "No. Teasing is when i giggle and run away once you accept. Testing is seeing how far i can push my luck with You. HUGE difference. i will Not run from You!"

i don't know why or what it is, but i just want to make this girl feel So good! Good about herself, good mentally, and feel good physically. And i know i can do all those things for her. it's going to happen. it is. it's just a matter of when...and should we drag it out as long as we can, because will the passion disappear once the chase is over?

All i know is that it seems to be good for both of us. Flirting is a good thing, right? Makes you feel good about yourself...makes you feel alive... But my Gawd! it's starting to HURT, i want Her so much. And i think She's come to need me in a way. Our communication has become a nightly ritual of sexy texting back and forth at night before going to sleep. We even had a little tiff the other night because i apparently hurt her feelings when i saw her out the other night. i was with a group of our mutual friends, and She walked up on us. i was caught off guard and i Totally clammed up and didn't really pay Her much attention. She left quite quickly, and when i texted Her later, She said She almost cried because i didn't come give Her a hug like i usually do. But i was in front of our friends, and i knew they would see right through me...they would see how much i am in Lust with this Woman! And i just don't want anyone to know that right now. i don't want to be teased...i don't want Her to be embarrassed...and one friend in that crowd in particular would just LOVEEEEEEEE to get a tasty little tid bit of information like that to spread around...and i just don't want to have this relationship talked about like that...like some gossip session and demeaned by other's opinions.

But my question is, why do straight girls flirt with gay women if they don't have some type of attraction to them? Or...better yet, why, do you think, this girl is flirting with me? i mean, tonight, She had me flying So High! Saying All the right things...Totally turning me on, and Knows She is...mainly because i tell Her She is, so She knows! But tonight, the last thing She said to me was, "If only you were a man, life would be wonderful! But you still make my heart skip a beat." And i know She was trying to be sweet, but it damn near broke my heart, and i just want to ask her, (and will tomorrow) what would me having a penis change? i mean, i have several in the drawer, and if She doesn't like any of them, we can always go get something She likes. i mean, did She mean i was perfect except i'm not a man? Or another angle, She was telling me politely that it's Never going to happen? And if so, why oh Why does She flirt and tease me so Shamelessly?!? i want to hear some opinions on this, please.

And remember, we've been doing this back and forth for, gosh, over a year now. It's just gotten more serious the last several months. i'm ready to hear some advice on this.

Thanks for listening.

love,
~sly