i was so good today...so, so good. i want nothing more than to crawl in her bed and cuddle up close to her. Impossible at the moment. i have so much to say, but can't seem to open my mouth. It's beyond words...i hear that clock ticking. It's deafening. Helpless. Distance. How. Why? ...Please!
Life is cruel.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Thursday, January 20, 2011
The News...
She told me last night...She's very, very sick. She said she won't be around much longer. She's in a world of sunshine and beauty...living her dream...living near the ocean...living out her life the way she's always wanted. i admire her courage to...Live. i'm not doing too well with knowing, but i'm glad i know. i at least understand things better now. It all makes perfect sense.
but, i'm going to miss my friend...
but, i'm going to miss my friend...
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Christmas Eve...
i got a little weepy on Christmas Eve thinking of Her. She was leaving...packed up in a U-Haul truck towing her car behind. i had not talked to her in several days. We had a falling out...and it was over. i had no intenions of ever speaking to her again, but she kept calling and leaving messages. In between my moments of anger of what had unfolded between us, i was beginning to feel what i, myself, had lost, so i put the anger aside and finally returned her call.
She was already on I-85 headed south to make a new life. She cried. Told me she was sorry. Told me how much i meant to her. She talked of her future plans and was quiet happy with her decission to leave town. i was happy for her and wished her well. Told her i looked forward to the day i could forget and put the hurt behind me, but i just wasn't quite there yet. Trust was broken, and for me, that's Huge...
There was a small part inside of me that was relieved that she was leaving town...relieved that she would just move on and forget about me. i know that may sound strange, but yes, i wanted her to forget me.
The hurt started to creep back in...how one day, the Last day i spent with her, was such a special day for me and our relationship. Then, literally, the next day, it all came to an end. i was a little sad that i didn't rush out and find her just to give one last hug to her before she was gone forever, and i started to cry. i needed to. i needed to heal. Then i remembered that last day, and how wonderful it was. Sweet. Innocent. And with every bit of confidence that i had found my match. A bit of knowledge she would never even know...
~Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioner on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched horizontally from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get supper on the stove once she woke up. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...~
And that's how i choose to remember Her and how it was.
love,
~sly
She was already on I-85 headed south to make a new life. She cried. Told me she was sorry. Told me how much i meant to her. She talked of her future plans and was quiet happy with her decission to leave town. i was happy for her and wished her well. Told her i looked forward to the day i could forget and put the hurt behind me, but i just wasn't quite there yet. Trust was broken, and for me, that's Huge...
There was a small part inside of me that was relieved that she was leaving town...relieved that she would just move on and forget about me. i know that may sound strange, but yes, i wanted her to forget me.
The hurt started to creep back in...how one day, the Last day i spent with her, was such a special day for me and our relationship. Then, literally, the next day, it all came to an end. i was a little sad that i didn't rush out and find her just to give one last hug to her before she was gone forever, and i started to cry. i needed to. i needed to heal. Then i remembered that last day, and how wonderful it was. Sweet. Innocent. And with every bit of confidence that i had found my match. A bit of knowledge she would never even know...
~Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioner on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched horizontally from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get supper on the stove once she woke up. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...~
And that's how i choose to remember Her and how it was.
love,
~sly
Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...draft.
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioning on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up on me. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched vertically from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get dinner put on the stove once she woke up and ate lunch. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...
Monday, November 22, 2010
How i know i'm Her's...
She said, very calmly, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..." And i was surprised at the impact her gentle tone had on me. She was very firm, yet so collected, with a tiny hint of "I dare you" all mixed into one. i didn't want her words to end. i wanted her to continue telling me what would happen if i choose to ignore her wishes. i found myself flirting with the idea of flat out defiance in the name of curiosity. Eager to meet with my Domme on that level, yet still so afraid...
Crippled with desire, but anchored with patience, i feel i'm going mad at times. Just when i feel she's almost forgotten about our relationship, a single remark from her lips assures me i'm Her's. It's always unexpected, very casual, and natural. Our roots grow deep between us. Did i tell you i've known her forever? She's a childhood friend, from elementary school. i can't even say when or how i met her exactly, because she has just always been there. She remembers me at the skating rink. She said some guy ran over her arm with his skates and broke it after she fell, and i sat there with her until help came. Another time, she remembers them announcing couples skate, and she was all bummed out about not having anyone to skate with. She said me and Ellen (my Bestie!) grabbed her and another girl up and we all couple skated together, and she kissed me on the cheek. Sadly, i don't remember any of that! We Were children of the 70's, remember...
But i do remember her in high school. She was Hot! Red hair, tight ass...Jordache comes to mind when i think back. We shared personal finance together. i made her laugh a lot, and we'd cut up the entire class. She would always smile at me when we passed in the hall way. She hung with the more popular crowd, but, like myself, she fit in with All the different high school clicks. i remember seeing her in the girl's bathroom a lot, skipping class and smoking. We were All smokers back then. Ellen still has her smoking permit that she forged her Mama's signature to. Her picture on it looks like she's 10 years old! It's funny looking back and seeing ourselves as babies...trying to be so grown up and cool.
Sometimes it seems unreal to me that i've made such a vital connection with someone that was just so close to me for so many years. i'm weary, at times, of moving forward. Worried about what could happen...how things could turn. Very content in this unique relationship that's developing, i'm ready for more as well. i'm ready for Growth! i'm ready for change! i'm ready to jump into this great abyss and find what's at it's core. But tonight, i hold on to her warning me, in that soft, sexy voice of her's as it echos through my mind, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..."
And that's how i know i'm Her's.
love,
~sly
Crippled with desire, but anchored with patience, i feel i'm going mad at times. Just when i feel she's almost forgotten about our relationship, a single remark from her lips assures me i'm Her's. It's always unexpected, very casual, and natural. Our roots grow deep between us. Did i tell you i've known her forever? She's a childhood friend, from elementary school. i can't even say when or how i met her exactly, because she has just always been there. She remembers me at the skating rink. She said some guy ran over her arm with his skates and broke it after she fell, and i sat there with her until help came. Another time, she remembers them announcing couples skate, and she was all bummed out about not having anyone to skate with. She said me and Ellen (my Bestie!) grabbed her and another girl up and we all couple skated together, and she kissed me on the cheek. Sadly, i don't remember any of that! We Were children of the 70's, remember...
But i do remember her in high school. She was Hot! Red hair, tight ass...Jordache comes to mind when i think back. We shared personal finance together. i made her laugh a lot, and we'd cut up the entire class. She would always smile at me when we passed in the hall way. She hung with the more popular crowd, but, like myself, she fit in with All the different high school clicks. i remember seeing her in the girl's bathroom a lot, skipping class and smoking. We were All smokers back then. Ellen still has her smoking permit that she forged her Mama's signature to. Her picture on it looks like she's 10 years old! It's funny looking back and seeing ourselves as babies...trying to be so grown up and cool.
Sometimes it seems unreal to me that i've made such a vital connection with someone that was just so close to me for so many years. i'm weary, at times, of moving forward. Worried about what could happen...how things could turn. Very content in this unique relationship that's developing, i'm ready for more as well. i'm ready for Growth! i'm ready for change! i'm ready to jump into this great abyss and find what's at it's core. But tonight, i hold on to her warning me, in that soft, sexy voice of her's as it echos through my mind, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..."
And that's how i know i'm Her's.
love,
~sly
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday...
Tuesday was not a good day for anyone here, but Wednesday made up for it all. i spent the day with my Mommy! She called me daughter! i baked her my grandmother's seven layer cookies. (i didn't have any...i was just showing off) And we a had few short discussions about discipline. She spoke to me about an issue that had come up, and what she expected out of me, what to do when it comes up again, and how i should handle it. i expect i will do as she says. i have seen that i really do Not want to displease her. So today, i was fueled to get more things accomplished around here. i have some extra chores to do since the Holiday is coming up. We have family coming over, so i have to get ready for them. i made the menu for Thanksgiving dinner and then wrote the grocery list of the items we need to pick up. i cleaned out the fish tanks and turtle tank, which was a CHORE, buddy! lemme tell ya! And i'm gonna clean out the fridge tomorrow. But it's bedtime now, so i can't write anymore tonight. Hope everyone has a really great Holiday this year!
love,
~sly
love,
~sly
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
