How i know i'm Her's...

She said, very calmly, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..." And i was surprised at the impact her gentle tone had on me. She was very firm, yet so collected, with a tiny hint of "I dare you" all mixed into one. i didn't want her words to end. i wanted her to continue telling me what would happen if i choose to ignore her wishes. i found myself flirting with the idea of flat out defiance in the name of curiosity. Eager to meet with my Domme on that level, yet still so afraid...

Crippled with desire, but anchored with patience, i feel i'm going mad at times. Just when i feel she's almost forgotten about our relationship, a single remark from her lips assures me i'm Her's. It's always unexpected, very casual, and natural. Our roots grow deep between us. Did i tell you i've known her forever? She's a childhood friend, from elementary school. i can't even say when or how i met her exactly, because she has just always been there. She remembers me at the skating rink. She said some guy ran over her arm with his skates and broke it after she fell, and i sat there with her until help came. Another time, she remembers them announcing couples skate, and she was all bummed out about not having anyone to skate with. She said me and Ellen (my Bestie!) grabbed her and another girl up and we all couple skated together, and she kissed me on the cheek. Sadly, i don't remember any of that! We Were children of the 70's, remember...

But i do remember her in high school. She was Hot! Red hair, tight ass...Jordache comes to mind when i think back. We shared personal finance together. i made her laugh a lot, and we'd cut up the entire class. She would always smile at me when we passed in the hall way. She hung with the more popular crowd, but, like myself, she fit in with All the different high school clicks. i remember seeing her in the girl's bathroom a lot, skipping class and smoking. We were All smokers back then. Ellen still has her smoking permit that she forged her Mama's signature to. Her picture on it looks like she's 10 years old! It's funny looking back and seeing ourselves as babies...trying to be so grown up and cool.

Sometimes it seems unreal to me that i've made such a vital connection with someone that was just so close to me for so many years. i'm weary, at times, of moving forward. Worried about what could happen...how things could turn. Very content in this unique relationship that's developing, i'm ready for more as well. i'm ready for Growth! i'm ready for change! i'm ready to jump into this great abyss and find what's at it's core. But tonight, i hold on to her warning me, in that soft, sexy voice of her's as it echos through my mind, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..."

And that's how i know i'm Her's.

love,
~sly

Thursday...

Tuesday was not a good day for anyone here, but Wednesday made up for it all. i spent the day with my Mommy! She called me daughter! i baked her my grandmother's seven layer cookies. (i didn't have any...i was just showing off) And we a had few short discussions about discipline. She spoke to me about an issue that had come up, and what she expected out of me, what to do when it comes up again, and how i should handle it. i expect i will do as she says. i have seen that i really do Not want to displease her. So today, i was fueled to get more things accomplished around here. i have some extra chores to do since the Holiday is coming up. We have family coming over, so i have to get ready for them. i made the menu for Thanksgiving dinner and then wrote the grocery list of the items we need to pick up. i cleaned out the fish tanks and turtle tank, which was a CHORE, buddy! lemme tell ya! And i'm gonna clean out the fridge tomorrow. But it's bedtime now, so i can't write anymore tonight. Hope everyone has a really great Holiday this year!

love,
~sly

Today's Lesson...

Don't Fuck with a red head!

Monday night...

Reflecting over the day, She told me i Was Her's! my smile grew bigger. She said she would know when to discipline me, and when she does, it will be like a Mother would punish her daughter. i just nodded and agreed and yes Ma'amed her. She was saying all the words i've been waiting to hear! i belong to Her now...Wow!

Of course, once i came back to my senses from realizing my every dream was coming true right before my eyes, at that very moment, my very first instinct was to do something bad so i could get a spanking! i'm curious to how she will punish me. Will she use her hand, or a belt, or even a hairbrush or paddle? Will she make me pull my pants down, or will she pull them down for me? Maybe she won't take my clothes off at all? Maybe she won't even spank me at first. What if she makes me stand in the corner, or puts me on restriction, or Worst of All, Write Lines!!! i have not even let "lines" cross my lips in all the different discussions we've had. i hope it hasn't crossed her mind either! i don't know. i Want to know. i Want her attention! But why, oh WHY did i disobey So Soon? Do i have other submissive readers out there who might have the same reactions as i do? Any Dommes with insight? Any advice on how to stop from doing things like that? From a Top's point of view, it's quite rude, i'm sure...but it's something deep inside me that has no reasoning and just reacts.

i asked her permission for something, and she said, "No." i didn't want her to say no, but it was the right decission. i was satisfied with the answer at the moment...but then about a half hour later, i wanted it again, and i just did it anyway, real fast so i wouldn't think about how Stupid i was being! i mean, that was just Stupid! Especially after our talks earlier. Am i Crazy?!

But i'm not telling her. Unless she flat out asks. Usually, i would know better to confess. i was taught that over the years with my online Dommes/Mommys/Tops. But real life is different. Before, meeting online, everyone online was ready and prepared for "Play." Real life, there are all these other outside realities surrounding us, that if i confessed everything i fell short on, everyday, we'd never get anywhere. i don't think she wants me to confess...because when i do, it's almost like i'm Topping from the bottom...and she's recognized already that i'm a pro at that. i have to laugh about it too, because she see's it so clearly and won't let it happen. i actually am beginning to realize that my training already started weeks ago, and it's been a lesson in Topping from the bottom. Ah, YES! It's so clear to me now! Ha Ha! Touche, Ma'am! Well done! Lesson learned. :)

Online, not telling her would be considered a lie of omission. Not telling her and acting like everything was okay was as bad a lieing. But real life, until she's ready to deal with me, i think i should just keep a mental note and not say anything until she asks...right?

It's past my bedtime too. That's not on purpose. i am in bed, afterall...but i can't sleep because i'm supposed to spend the day with her tomorrow. As long as nothing comes up between now and then, that's my plan, so i can Not sleep! i feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve! *giggles*

i LOVE MY DOMME!!!

happily,
~sly

Saturday!

As bad as yesterday was, today was as equally Fantastic! i couldn't handle another day like yesterday, so i threw myself into some much needed projects. There is nothing like extra weekend chores of yard work and weed pulling to help put things in perspective. i worked hard today. i cleared my summer garden and got the beds ready for our winter veggies (yes, i am Way late planing this year). i had a nice bonfire going and burned a little pine straw, and a Lot of weeds! i cleaned the turtle pond and did just a whole lot of general yard pick up as well. We had hot dogs for dinner, so i feel like barfing now. Those just aren't the same when you get older. And later on, after things settled down in the house, we went back out to the fire and did smores. Normally i'm not supposed to have sweets like that, but i kinda forgot to eat today while i was outside, so about supper time, my sugar was REally low, so in my mind, i could have whatever i wanted.

i learned today that sometimes i'm too focused on getting punished, and i don't think much about the good girl treatment that i could be getting instead. i realized this when She told me what a good girl i was today and how proud of me she was. i mean, it was unexpected. i didn't even think i'd hear from her today. We both have a significant other, so we usually spend all our time with our families on the weekend. But today, i got a surprise call from her, and that made me Very Happy! So when she heard about all i had done today, her voice lit up, and i could tell she was genuinely proud of me...and that just felt REally, really good!

Things are going well. Baby steps...goals...time...each day seems to fill another piece of the puzzle. i'm happy. :)

love,
~sly

Friday.

was a very bad day for me.

A Long Day...

Today was a challenge. She was having a bad day, and she's told me before, "You don't want to mess up on a good day, but heaven help you if you mess up when I am having a bad day..." So, i remembered that, and tried real hard to stay in good graces and be a good girl. It was REally hard staying on task. i really wanted that adrenaline rush i get when she gets serious and tells me specifically what to do. It is that rush that keeps me focused. So i was slow to get started, slow in getting things done. i did accomplish a few things, but not near as much as i should have. i feel a bit guilty for taking advantage of the situation by sluffing off when i should have been more productive. Tomorrow, i will be a better girl. Tomorrow will be more productive. Tonight, i will do as i was told, and i will be in bed by 11 pm! Sooo...g'night!

love,
~sly

Another Great Day...

Today was another great day. It took a different turn than what was planned, but i'm easy to roll with the flow. i learned something important today. i don't think i will complain about not having anything to wear again for a long time. She said if i didn't stop fussing about it, she would strip me naked and stand me in front of the computer where we would review some recent photos together as she pointed out how i was dressed in each photo.

*indignant look*

Suddenly, i became very grateful of all my clothes and decided she was Right! i worried for awhile afterwords about how embarrassing that would have been, and then i got a warm and cuddly feeling inside when thinking of what a creative consequence that was for my Domme to come up with. It made me proud to be Her's!

She got busy during the day, but she made sure i knew Exactly what i was to be doing while she was away. When she left, i felt that old familiar sting of being left alone...but this time it was different. And this time, it didn't make me feel like crawling into a shell when the silence set in. No...this time was different because i was expected to be doing my tasks while she was away. i had a goal to achieve, and i have a Mommy that would be very, Very disappointed if she'd have come home to find me daydreaming while the house needed so much attention. She said things are going to change around here. i believe Her!

love,
~sly

A New Beginning!

Today marks the start of a new journey with Her! i have a goal for the day. i have been given my instructions. my first tasks from Her! i'm just so excited, i had to write it down. i had to come tell someone. i also have to get started! *blushes* Oh, Wow...it feels really good to be on this road today. *SWOONS!*

love,
~sly