i got a little weepy on Christmas Eve thinking of Her. She was leaving...packed up in a U-Haul truck towing her car behind. i had not talked to her in several days. We had a falling out...and it was over. i had no intenions of ever speaking to her again, but she kept calling and leaving messages. In between my moments of anger of what had unfolded between us, i was beginning to feel what i, myself, had lost, so i put the anger aside and finally returned her call.
She was already on I-85 headed south to make a new life. She cried. Told me she was sorry. Told me how much i meant to her. She talked of her future plans and was quiet happy with her decission to leave town. i was happy for her and wished her well. Told her i looked forward to the day i could forget and put the hurt behind me, but i just wasn't quite there yet. Trust was broken, and for me, that's Huge...
There was a small part inside of me that was relieved that she was leaving town...relieved that she would just move on and forget about me. i know that may sound strange, but yes, i wanted her to forget me.
The hurt started to creep back in...how one day, the Last day i spent with her, was such a special day for me and our relationship. Then, literally, the next day, it all came to an end. i was a little sad that i didn't rush out and find her just to give one last hug to her before she was gone forever, and i started to cry. i needed to. i needed to heal. Then i remembered that last day, and how wonderful it was. Sweet. Innocent. And with every bit of confidence that i had found my match. A bit of knowledge she would never even know...
~Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioner on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched horizontally from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get supper on the stove once she woke up. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...~
And that's how i choose to remember Her and how it was.
love,
~sly
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
A Perfect Day...draft.
It was all over the local news. A tornado hit around 3:30, Tuesday afternoon. i was driving home with it Directly over my head. i couldn't see a thing...Maybe 3 feet in front of me...nothing on the sides or behind me. Had my air conditioning on full blast to keep the windows from fogging up on me. i was wet from the run across the parking lot to my car, so i was also freezing my butt off trying to keep the windows clear. The cell phone was ringing, radio blasting, limbs falling, leaves being snatched vertically from the wind, but my smile was huge. my adrenaline pumping. i didn't notice the danger around me in the least. i had spent the day with Her! i did her grocery shopping and errands while she stayed at home with her leg propped up from an injured knee, sick with fever and napping. i made her a gallon of tea for the fridge before i left, and i brought her lunch when i returned. i ran my fingers through her hair to help put her to sleep, and i helped get dinner put on the stove once she woke up and ate lunch. i even walked her dog so she didn't have to get out in all the cold mess of the day. i don't think she even realized how special the day was for me...just to DO something for Her! But it was. Very Special. A perfect day, in fact. And when i got home, news reports were on every channel about the tornado and all the damage. Seems i really was driving home right in the middle of it. The funnel touched down in a neighborhood two miles from the road i was on, at the time i was on it, but i didn't notice a thing...
Monday, November 22, 2010
How i know i'm Her's...
She said, very calmly, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..." And i was surprised at the impact her gentle tone had on me. She was very firm, yet so collected, with a tiny hint of "I dare you" all mixed into one. i didn't want her words to end. i wanted her to continue telling me what would happen if i choose to ignore her wishes. i found myself flirting with the idea of flat out defiance in the name of curiosity. Eager to meet with my Domme on that level, yet still so afraid...
Crippled with desire, but anchored with patience, i feel i'm going mad at times. Just when i feel she's almost forgotten about our relationship, a single remark from her lips assures me i'm Her's. It's always unexpected, very casual, and natural. Our roots grow deep between us. Did i tell you i've known her forever? She's a childhood friend, from elementary school. i can't even say when or how i met her exactly, because she has just always been there. She remembers me at the skating rink. She said some guy ran over her arm with his skates and broke it after she fell, and i sat there with her until help came. Another time, she remembers them announcing couples skate, and she was all bummed out about not having anyone to skate with. She said me and Ellen (my Bestie!) grabbed her and another girl up and we all couple skated together, and she kissed me on the cheek. Sadly, i don't remember any of that! We Were children of the 70's, remember...
But i do remember her in high school. She was Hot! Red hair, tight ass...Jordache comes to mind when i think back. We shared personal finance together. i made her laugh a lot, and we'd cut up the entire class. She would always smile at me when we passed in the hall way. She hung with the more popular crowd, but, like myself, she fit in with All the different high school clicks. i remember seeing her in the girl's bathroom a lot, skipping class and smoking. We were All smokers back then. Ellen still has her smoking permit that she forged her Mama's signature to. Her picture on it looks like she's 10 years old! It's funny looking back and seeing ourselves as babies...trying to be so grown up and cool.
Sometimes it seems unreal to me that i've made such a vital connection with someone that was just so close to me for so many years. i'm weary, at times, of moving forward. Worried about what could happen...how things could turn. Very content in this unique relationship that's developing, i'm ready for more as well. i'm ready for Growth! i'm ready for change! i'm ready to jump into this great abyss and find what's at it's core. But tonight, i hold on to her warning me, in that soft, sexy voice of her's as it echos through my mind, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..."
And that's how i know i'm Her's.
love,
~sly
Crippled with desire, but anchored with patience, i feel i'm going mad at times. Just when i feel she's almost forgotten about our relationship, a single remark from her lips assures me i'm Her's. It's always unexpected, very casual, and natural. Our roots grow deep between us. Did i tell you i've known her forever? She's a childhood friend, from elementary school. i can't even say when or how i met her exactly, because she has just always been there. She remembers me at the skating rink. She said some guy ran over her arm with his skates and broke it after she fell, and i sat there with her until help came. Another time, she remembers them announcing couples skate, and she was all bummed out about not having anyone to skate with. She said me and Ellen (my Bestie!) grabbed her and another girl up and we all couple skated together, and she kissed me on the cheek. Sadly, i don't remember any of that! We Were children of the 70's, remember...
But i do remember her in high school. She was Hot! Red hair, tight ass...Jordache comes to mind when i think back. We shared personal finance together. i made her laugh a lot, and we'd cut up the entire class. She would always smile at me when we passed in the hall way. She hung with the more popular crowd, but, like myself, she fit in with All the different high school clicks. i remember seeing her in the girl's bathroom a lot, skipping class and smoking. We were All smokers back then. Ellen still has her smoking permit that she forged her Mama's signature to. Her picture on it looks like she's 10 years old! It's funny looking back and seeing ourselves as babies...trying to be so grown up and cool.
Sometimes it seems unreal to me that i've made such a vital connection with someone that was just so close to me for so many years. i'm weary, at times, of moving forward. Worried about what could happen...how things could turn. Very content in this unique relationship that's developing, i'm ready for more as well. i'm ready for Growth! i'm ready for change! i'm ready to jump into this great abyss and find what's at it's core. But tonight, i hold on to her warning me, in that soft, sexy voice of her's as it echos through my mind, "If you open your mouth about it, you Will be in trouble. Do you understand me, sly? You Will be in trouble..."
And that's how i know i'm Her's.
love,
~sly
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Thursday...
Tuesday was not a good day for anyone here, but Wednesday made up for it all. i spent the day with my Mommy! She called me daughter! i baked her my grandmother's seven layer cookies. (i didn't have any...i was just showing off) And we a had few short discussions about discipline. She spoke to me about an issue that had come up, and what she expected out of me, what to do when it comes up again, and how i should handle it. i expect i will do as she says. i have seen that i really do Not want to displease her. So today, i was fueled to get more things accomplished around here. i have some extra chores to do since the Holiday is coming up. We have family coming over, so i have to get ready for them. i made the menu for Thanksgiving dinner and then wrote the grocery list of the items we need to pick up. i cleaned out the fish tanks and turtle tank, which was a CHORE, buddy! lemme tell ya! And i'm gonna clean out the fridge tomorrow. But it's bedtime now, so i can't write anymore tonight. Hope everyone has a really great Holiday this year!
love,
~sly
love,
~sly
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday night...
Reflecting over the day, She told me i Was Her's! my smile grew bigger. She said she would know when to discipline me, and when she does, it will be like a Mother would punish her daughter. i just nodded and agreed and yes Ma'amed her. She was saying all the words i've been waiting to hear! i belong to Her now...Wow!
Of course, once i came back to my senses from realizing my every dream was coming true right before my eyes, at that very moment, my very first instinct was to do something bad so i could get a spanking! i'm curious to how she will punish me. Will she use her hand, or a belt, or even a hairbrush or paddle? Will she make me pull my pants down, or will she pull them down for me? Maybe she won't take my clothes off at all? Maybe she won't even spank me at first. What if she makes me stand in the corner, or puts me on restriction, or Worst of All, Write Lines!!! i have not even let "lines" cross my lips in all the different discussions we've had. i hope it hasn't crossed her mind either! i don't know. i Want to know. i Want her attention! But why, oh WHY did i disobey So Soon? Do i have other submissive readers out there who might have the same reactions as i do? Any Dommes with insight? Any advice on how to stop from doing things like that? From a Top's point of view, it's quite rude, i'm sure...but it's something deep inside me that has no reasoning and just reacts.
i asked her permission for something, and she said, "No." i didn't want her to say no, but it was the right decission. i was satisfied with the answer at the moment...but then about a half hour later, i wanted it again, and i just did it anyway, real fast so i wouldn't think about how Stupid i was being! i mean, that was just Stupid! Especially after our talks earlier. Am i Crazy?!
But i'm not telling her. Unless she flat out asks. Usually, i would know better to confess. i was taught that over the years with my online Dommes/Mommys/Tops. But real life is different. Before, meeting online, everyone online was ready and prepared for "Play." Real life, there are all these other outside realities surrounding us, that if i confessed everything i fell short on, everyday, we'd never get anywhere. i don't think she wants me to confess...because when i do, it's almost like i'm Topping from the bottom...and she's recognized already that i'm a pro at that. i have to laugh about it too, because she see's it so clearly and won't let it happen. i actually am beginning to realize that my training already started weeks ago, and it's been a lesson in Topping from the bottom. Ah, YES! It's so clear to me now! Ha Ha! Touche, Ma'am! Well done! Lesson learned. :)
Online, not telling her would be considered a lie of omission. Not telling her and acting like everything was okay was as bad a lieing. But real life, until she's ready to deal with me, i think i should just keep a mental note and not say anything until she asks...right?
It's past my bedtime too. That's not on purpose. i am in bed, afterall...but i can't sleep because i'm supposed to spend the day with her tomorrow. As long as nothing comes up between now and then, that's my plan, so i can Not sleep! i feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve! *giggles*
i LOVE MY DOMME!!!
happily,
~sly
Of course, once i came back to my senses from realizing my every dream was coming true right before my eyes, at that very moment, my very first instinct was to do something bad so i could get a spanking! i'm curious to how she will punish me. Will she use her hand, or a belt, or even a hairbrush or paddle? Will she make me pull my pants down, or will she pull them down for me? Maybe she won't take my clothes off at all? Maybe she won't even spank me at first. What if she makes me stand in the corner, or puts me on restriction, or Worst of All, Write Lines!!! i have not even let "lines" cross my lips in all the different discussions we've had. i hope it hasn't crossed her mind either! i don't know. i Want to know. i Want her attention! But why, oh WHY did i disobey So Soon? Do i have other submissive readers out there who might have the same reactions as i do? Any Dommes with insight? Any advice on how to stop from doing things like that? From a Top's point of view, it's quite rude, i'm sure...but it's something deep inside me that has no reasoning and just reacts.
i asked her permission for something, and she said, "No." i didn't want her to say no, but it was the right decission. i was satisfied with the answer at the moment...but then about a half hour later, i wanted it again, and i just did it anyway, real fast so i wouldn't think about how Stupid i was being! i mean, that was just Stupid! Especially after our talks earlier. Am i Crazy?!
But i'm not telling her. Unless she flat out asks. Usually, i would know better to confess. i was taught that over the years with my online Dommes/Mommys/Tops. But real life is different. Before, meeting online, everyone online was ready and prepared for "Play." Real life, there are all these other outside realities surrounding us, that if i confessed everything i fell short on, everyday, we'd never get anywhere. i don't think she wants me to confess...because when i do, it's almost like i'm Topping from the bottom...and she's recognized already that i'm a pro at that. i have to laugh about it too, because she see's it so clearly and won't let it happen. i actually am beginning to realize that my training already started weeks ago, and it's been a lesson in Topping from the bottom. Ah, YES! It's so clear to me now! Ha Ha! Touche, Ma'am! Well done! Lesson learned. :)
Online, not telling her would be considered a lie of omission. Not telling her and acting like everything was okay was as bad a lieing. But real life, until she's ready to deal with me, i think i should just keep a mental note and not say anything until she asks...right?
It's past my bedtime too. That's not on purpose. i am in bed, afterall...but i can't sleep because i'm supposed to spend the day with her tomorrow. As long as nothing comes up between now and then, that's my plan, so i can Not sleep! i feel like a little kid on Christmas Eve! *giggles*
i LOVE MY DOMME!!!
happily,
~sly
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Saturday!
As bad as yesterday was, today was as equally Fantastic! i couldn't handle another day like yesterday, so i threw myself into some much needed projects. There is nothing like extra weekend chores of yard work and weed pulling to help put things in perspective. i worked hard today. i cleared my summer garden and got the beds ready for our winter veggies (yes, i am Way late planing this year). i had a nice bonfire going and burned a little pine straw, and a Lot of weeds! i cleaned the turtle pond and did just a whole lot of general yard pick up as well. We had hot dogs for dinner, so i feel like barfing now. Those just aren't the same when you get older. And later on, after things settled down in the house, we went back out to the fire and did smores. Normally i'm not supposed to have sweets like that, but i kinda forgot to eat today while i was outside, so about supper time, my sugar was REally low, so in my mind, i could have whatever i wanted.
i learned today that sometimes i'm too focused on getting punished, and i don't think much about the good girl treatment that i could be getting instead. i realized this when She told me what a good girl i was today and how proud of me she was. i mean, it was unexpected. i didn't even think i'd hear from her today. We both have a significant other, so we usually spend all our time with our families on the weekend. But today, i got a surprise call from her, and that made me Very Happy! So when she heard about all i had done today, her voice lit up, and i could tell she was genuinely proud of me...and that just felt REally, really good!
Things are going well. Baby steps...goals...time...each day seems to fill another piece of the puzzle. i'm happy. :)
love,
~sly
i learned today that sometimes i'm too focused on getting punished, and i don't think much about the good girl treatment that i could be getting instead. i realized this when She told me what a good girl i was today and how proud of me she was. i mean, it was unexpected. i didn't even think i'd hear from her today. We both have a significant other, so we usually spend all our time with our families on the weekend. But today, i got a surprise call from her, and that made me Very Happy! So when she heard about all i had done today, her voice lit up, and i could tell she was genuinely proud of me...and that just felt REally, really good!
Things are going well. Baby steps...goals...time...each day seems to fill another piece of the puzzle. i'm happy. :)
love,
~sly
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A Long Day...
Today was a challenge. She was having a bad day, and she's told me before, "You don't want to mess up on a good day, but heaven help you if you mess up when I am having a bad day..." So, i remembered that, and tried real hard to stay in good graces and be a good girl. It was REally hard staying on task. i really wanted that adrenaline rush i get when she gets serious and tells me specifically what to do. It is that rush that keeps me focused. So i was slow to get started, slow in getting things done. i did accomplish a few things, but not near as much as i should have. i feel a bit guilty for taking advantage of the situation by sluffing off when i should have been more productive. Tomorrow, i will be a better girl. Tomorrow will be more productive. Tonight, i will do as i was told, and i will be in bed by 11 pm! Sooo...g'night!
love,
~sly
love,
~sly
Monday, November 8, 2010
Another Great Day...
Today was another great day. It took a different turn than what was planned, but i'm easy to roll with the flow. i learned something important today. i don't think i will complain about not having anything to wear again for a long time. She said if i didn't stop fussing about it, she would strip me naked and stand me in front of the computer where we would review some recent photos together as she pointed out how i was dressed in each photo.
*indignant look*
Suddenly, i became very grateful of all my clothes and decided she was Right! i worried for awhile afterwords about how embarrassing that would have been, and then i got a warm and cuddly feeling inside when thinking of what a creative consequence that was for my Domme to come up with. It made me proud to be Her's!
She got busy during the day, but she made sure i knew Exactly what i was to be doing while she was away. When she left, i felt that old familiar sting of being left alone...but this time it was different. And this time, it didn't make me feel like crawling into a shell when the silence set in. No...this time was different because i was expected to be doing my tasks while she was away. i had a goal to achieve, and i have a Mommy that would be very, Very disappointed if she'd have come home to find me daydreaming while the house needed so much attention. She said things are going to change around here. i believe Her!
love,
~sly
*indignant look*
Suddenly, i became very grateful of all my clothes and decided she was Right! i worried for awhile afterwords about how embarrassing that would have been, and then i got a warm and cuddly feeling inside when thinking of what a creative consequence that was for my Domme to come up with. It made me proud to be Her's!
She got busy during the day, but she made sure i knew Exactly what i was to be doing while she was away. When she left, i felt that old familiar sting of being left alone...but this time it was different. And this time, it didn't make me feel like crawling into a shell when the silence set in. No...this time was different because i was expected to be doing my tasks while she was away. i had a goal to achieve, and i have a Mommy that would be very, Very disappointed if she'd have come home to find me daydreaming while the house needed so much attention. She said things are going to change around here. i believe Her!
love,
~sly
Friday, November 5, 2010
A New Beginning!
Today marks the start of a new journey with Her! i have a goal for the day. i have been given my instructions. my first tasks from Her! i'm just so excited, i had to write it down. i had to come tell someone. i also have to get started! *blushes* Oh, Wow...it feels really good to be on this road today. *SWOONS!*
love,
~sly
love,
~sly
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
my Domme...
i need a seriously, Sound, over the knee, hand spanking in the Most Serious way right now! i just Do! i need to be scolded, lectured, spanked, cornered and then spanked again! It's so hard...the waiting. She's not ready yet, but i am still in need... Should i ask her, or just savor the freedom i still have at the moment? i should wait and be patient. i have to! i should not try to rush her or push the situation. Let her see me in my "element" as she puts it, and then let her dominant personality come to life naturally and build our relationship from that point...
But then i ache and become greedy and want what i want, now. And it's not like that. It's not my choice. i have to learn to be patient and find peace in the waiting. i know she's there. She's looking at me from afar... Contemplating... Wanting... Lusting... She needs me right now...even more than i need her, so i will wait, and serve her in my patients...my longing...my desire to be Her's. That is how i shall serve her at the moment. i will Wait...
love,
~sly
But then i ache and become greedy and want what i want, now. And it's not like that. It's not my choice. i have to learn to be patient and find peace in the waiting. i know she's there. She's looking at me from afar... Contemplating... Wanting... Lusting... She needs me right now...even more than i need her, so i will wait, and serve her in my patients...my longing...my desire to be Her's. That is how i shall serve her at the moment. i will Wait...
love,
~sly
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Friday, February 12, 2010
Sunday, January 17, 2010
The Lost Blog!
Somehow, when first creating my spot here on blogger, I got locked out of my original blog and could never get back in. For some reason, tonight, it let me in. I copy/pasted in case it locked me out again, and I'm glad I did because once I left the blog, I couldn't get back in.
I was recently asked what kind and how much experience I've had as a submissive, so I thought posting these to the blog I'm active with now might help give Her some insight to me and my experiences thus far.
Reading back over them now, I realize that I seem to keep finding and attempting relationships on some degree of a BDSM level. That's the reason I haven't found them fulfilling, because I need Domestic Discipline on a strict and nurturing level, and besides two lovers who indulged my desires for a short time, I've only ever played with a Sadist and a Domme in real life...it's hard to notice the difference at first because I'm so blinded by the fact that I've even come across anyone in real life that's even remotely interested in the kind of lifestyle I'm interested in. As I get older and the more I experience, I realize more and more the qualities I am looking for in a disciplinarian. I'm understanding more of what I need and want, and I know it's out there...somewhere...
Years ago...I'd say at least 15 (wow, seems Much longer than that), I finally discovered there were people out there, other Adults like me, that shared my desire to be spanked! And that's when I joined MsDawn and her girls and was given the name "sly" by my big sister. I was formally trained on online etiquette and how to be an online submissive. That is when my alter ego was born and the first time in my life I was able to embrace my inner self and not feel like such an outcast.
My girlfriend at the time and I had a very short bought with a couple once. Hard core BDSMers and we had no business messing around with that...but those were just a session or two. The first was a heavy session for a first timer. I wasn't sure of anything. She worked my back and bottom fairly intensely with a flogger and a leather belt, but I hardly even reacted to it. I think it surprised her and the two others that were there that I hardly even flinched. I was deemed the "stoic subbie" that night.
The closest I've ever come to finding what I need emotionally has been online with a wonderful woman named "Angie." She is the one who gave me my middle and last "sub" name, Samantha Johnson. She's a great Mommy, and I've loved her for 4 years...there aren't even enough words to thank her for what she has done for me.
I tried to find that same emotional connection with a local woman the last half of '09 in hopes of having both the emotional and physical all in one. I had the BEST time with her, and it was an exceptional experience, but it's over now, and I have to move on.
THE SADIST...
The first half of '09, I had a live experience with an old "friend" of mine. We had been online friends since way back in the MsDawn days. I had even been her submissive online for a time, and we had met in person a few years before. But when met face to face as Domme/submissive...well, lets just say it wasn't a good match after all. I want it to be known that it was a Horrible, degrading experience and one that I would like to forget ever happened. Traumatic comes to mind when I have to think of that time...*SHUDDERS* That was a great example of why it is Not a good idea to keep overlooking & ignoring All the warning signs. (oh, the warning signs...all the many, Many warning signs...) That was SO my fault. Lesson Learned!
The Domme...
And there was one other. She was a Domme that I found advertising on Craig's list. She knew how to swing a belt! She was good at that...gave me what I needed physically. I mean, she really was good at that...had good tone when scolding, great technique, imaginative ideas. She was going through all the right motions, but I just didn't get any of the emotional rush, which in turn, I wasn't achieving sub space, nor was it turning me on. I think something might have developed over time, maybe...but she was rushing and trying to have it all in a day, and I wasn't feeling it, it showed, and she dismissed me. I think her ultimate goal was orgasm, and I wanted it to be more genuine with some depth. I was not comfortable having a sexual relationship with her. I think I hurt her ego. It was not intentional.
So besides describing the two other long term, domestic partners I've had, that's about all the experience I've had. The two long term were just vanilla's trying to make me happy, and once the new wore off, the play was over. The love remains, but so does this insatiable need, and I have to pursue my hearts desire to feel whole.
And here follows, the Lost Blog. A tiny written account of my experience as they happened over this past year...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Searching...
This is just a draft.
Yes, after all these years of longing, cravings and desire, I finally stepped out of the box and tried to make my dreams a reality...
I laughed and told my girlfriend that I have been through two Dommes already this year. It's not looking too good for me so far! I laugh because it's so out of character of me to be seeking this out in the first place, but to be becoming somewhat of a ...well, I wouldn't say Pro, but, I'm definitely not hiding in the back corner anymore, That's for sure! The simple fact that I have put myself out there at all is a Huge step.
My girlfriend and I have discussed this insatiable desire I have to have a disciplinarian in my life. I've Always needed it...Always desired it. I'm 40 years old, and it won't go away! So, we talked, hashed and got through and decided that together, we will find a disciplinarian for me. Someone that will fit into our lives as easily as we will fit into theirs. There is Bound to be someone out there that is looking for the same type of unique relationship that will gel well with us.
So, I decided I would blog bits and pieces of my experiences through this journey as a way to help sort through what it is that I'm looking for and to help understand things that have gone wrong in the past.
Do not mistake, though. I do have a Mommy that loves me very much. I have discussed this need with her as well, and she is in agreement that I need someone close by that can physically administer punishments. Ideally, I would be able to find someone who would love to act as a surrogate Mommy and step in when my Mommy calls on her to do so. Luckily for me, my girlfriend does serve as surrogate when needed, but we would prefer someone else step in and assume that role.
Posted by Sly Johnson at 11:48 AM 0 comments
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Last night...
Well...here i am again...over extended! Forgot a had a time limit on blogging about last night's session...Time is Not my friend!
It was Great! It was so nice to riding over there, knowing that i was going to get spanked. i loved that i was going to Her house for a change. i liked knowing i was going to be on Her turf, and the house was new and unknown to me...and that in itself was a turn on.
The house was great! Loved the garden area! Loved the garage apartment off to the right of the house. But the Master bedroom was to Die for! Stand up shower, garden tub with a Huge windown right in front...i wonder how many of the neighbors saw us last night? *giggles*
i was guided to a big, puffy chair by my nipples, restrained, then was told to take two steps back away from the back of the chair, then was told to bend over and lay my forehead on a throw pillow She had placed there. The She scolded me...brought up things i had already forgotten about, then She spanked me pretty hard with a couple of differnt paddles...til i was begging and screaming for Her to stop...Promising Never to misbehave again. i hope She doesn't Really hold me to that promise!
and the next thing i remember was laying across the bed, face down, scooted up so my head was off the bed, looking down at the floor. She straddled my head, told me to grab Her ankles, She leaned over my body and started spanking me Really, Really Hard! and i was fussing and begging and crying for Her to stop, and when i started wiggling or fussing too much, She clamped Her legs closed around my head to calm me down. It was a Very Hot session! i'd never had that done to me before, and i like it!
More so, last night was a time for me to please my Mistress. And, by the look on Her face, the sound of her moans, and the condition of the bed and sheets when we were done, i'd say i did my job as Her submissive last night. *Big Proud Smile*
:::looking at the time::: Well...not to rush you away or anything...but i'm working on a deadline here, and i wam trying to stay in good graces for at Least a 24 hour period before i start racking up more punishments!
Lots and lots more happened, and i'll write more later about it, maybe.
Till next time!
love,
~sly!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 11:40 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sessions...
i've always loved this picture...and now i have a really good reason to post it. It's a great depiction of what's to come tomorrow evening...my Mistress will be waiting for me. And the look on this Mistress's face is, i'm sure, Very much going to look a lot like that on my Mistress's face when i arrive...
Well...tomorrow nights the night. i'm to meet my Mistress at Her new house at 8 pm Sharp! For every 5 minutes i'm late (and i don't plan to be late!!!), i will have 4 more paddles added on to my already Huge list of paddlings i have coming already.
i'm nervous. i'm excited. And my Mistress deserves some special pampering after all She's been through the past couple of weeks. She's had a lot of stress that Always comes with the purchase of a new home, She's had deadlines to meet with school, and She's had to deal with me and my attitude during all of this as well...
Between my company being here for so long, and Her life and all that's going on right now, we have not been able to concentrate on Us, so all of you must know what happens in a little subbie's mind when no one seems to be paying attention for a while...well...they just don't do well!
i am ready for my Mistress to take charge again. i am ready to obey Her. i want to be Her good girl again and make Her happy. i know i've been a bad girl. and i know i deserve the spankings i'm going to get tomorrow night. i've been Really bad and pushing Her and bratting Big Time! i am surprised She is allowing me to go on my little weekend getaway this weekend, but i am sure that i will be remembering our little "Talk" All weekend Long! Something tells me a 7 hour drive sitting on top of a freshly paddled bottom is going to be a challenge! i hope She remembers and is kind and makes sure there are no visible marks for when i go to the beach and the springs!
*Sighs*
i'm ready to be Her good girl again...
love,
~sly
Posted by Sly Johnson at 5:07 PM 0 comments
Labels: Sessions
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Ten Minutes on The Wall...
Last week, when She was here, She immediately took my nipples in her fingers and reminded me that i was Her girl! i know i'm Her girl. my nipples were already so sore, because for two days prior to our meeting, She had me wear my nipple clamps in preparation for Our session. She does this knowing that when She is not here, all the conditioning and attention She pays to them, all it takes is a certain tone in Her voice over the phone, and my nipples will get hard for Her. A simple text, warning me or scolding me, and my nipple react and get Hard for Her...
She has chosen to use this method as a training tool. And trust me, it has been a Very Effective little tool for Her. So, when she was here last week, after She played and teased me for what seemed like forever, until i was all drawn up tight into little hard balls. She pulled on them a bit and attached the clamps...the one with the weight attached. She said it was time for my punishments.
She likes to make me lean against the wall, hands on the wall sorta spread eagle like, with bottom sticking out, the nipple weight dangling and pulling my sore nipples...and then the paddling starts...and that damn weight swings forward, then side to side as i try to keep as still as i can! And then *WHACK!* Another lick from that nasty paddle! *WHACK!* And my nipples are being jerked around and *WHACK!* pulled *WHACK!* and twisted *WHACK!* and i'm not allowed to break position or She'll start all over again!
my Mistress keeps Her promise of a punishment, and the paddling continues much longer than my giggly little inner brat would like, and i start to beg my Mommy to stop, and i Promise to be Oh So Good! But my Mommy knows better, and She knows best, and Her grip tightens and She brings that paddle down, Hard, on my bottom again...and again...and again.... my pussy just throbs and i realize how wet i am getting... my bottom's on fire! my nipples Hurt! And in between the crisp, sounding slaps against my naughty ass, i hear Her voice, scolding me, almost taunting me about my punishment. Making me feel So childish! i'm ashamed of my actions...i'm embarrassed to be treated in such a way, but We both know this is what has to be done.
But what happened next, i was Not expecting. The paddling stopped, and i felt Her hands running all over my body, across my sore bottom, caressing as She did, bringing me back down in preparation to send me back up again...
She reached up and brought my right hand off the wall and placed it in the small of my back. She then did the same with my other arm...and then i felt the tight, secure Velcro restraints close around each wrist, and my pussy throbbed even more. At this time, She has me standing straight up again, turns me around and She takes the leads on the clamps, slightly tugging at my nipples as if i am to follow Her...*MELTS* and follow Her, i do...down the hall, bare, red ass glowing all the way, my wrist bound behind my back being lead by my nipples behind my Mistress...
She goes into the garage for a hammer and nail, and then She leads me into the guest bedroom. She said "This is going to be your wall, sly. When I call you and tell you you are to give Me 10 minutes on the wall, this is what I will be talking about." And She stands me up to the wall, lifts the chain to my clamps and tells me to stand on my tippey toes. i do...and She pulls the chain tight, lifting my breast up high by my nipples and then hammers the nail through a specially marked rung so i'll know which one to use next time, and told me this is my corner time today. i will be standing here, wrist bound behind my back, nipples pulled high and taught, standing on my tippey toes...feeling every Tiny tug as i struggle to keep on my toes until my Mistress decides to take me down.
i am dripping wet by now...and i can feel Her behind me...watching me...in Her gentle voice now, giving me soft and encouraging words to help keep me focused, but at the same time, She's still being strict, and a bit taunting still, saying things like, "Mommy's little girl was a bad little girl this week, and bad girl's Have to be punished. Mommy doesn't like punishing Her baby...but She Will! Mommy loves Her baby! Loves her enough to hold her responsible..." And things like that that She knows i have to hear during punishments.
She also makes certain that i am aware that once i come off that wall, "what Else happens to naughty little girls, sly? Hmmm?? Tell Mommy what else happens to little naughty girl's bottoms when they misbehave? Hmmm??"
Hearing those words coming from Her mouth, i feel like my legs have melted away from beneath me and i am left hanging there only by my nipples, and i wait for Her to take me down...lost in subspace...reconnected, once again, with my Mistress.
love,
~sly
Posted by Sly Johnson at 9:22 PM 3 comments
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Learning...
Something i've learned lately...
When you are begging for your Mommy to stop spanking you, and your Mommy asks you Why should she stop spanking you, you should not answer, "Because it hurts!" This is Not the answer she is looking for!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 1:56 PM 5 comments
Monday, June 22, 2009
What in the Hell am i doing??
i don't think i'm doing this right at all...
GOSH!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 10:55 PM 7 comments
I was recently asked what kind and how much experience I've had as a submissive, so I thought posting these to the blog I'm active with now might help give Her some insight to me and my experiences thus far.
Reading back over them now, I realize that I seem to keep finding and attempting relationships on some degree of a BDSM level. That's the reason I haven't found them fulfilling, because I need Domestic Discipline on a strict and nurturing level, and besides two lovers who indulged my desires for a short time, I've only ever played with a Sadist and a Domme in real life...it's hard to notice the difference at first because I'm so blinded by the fact that I've even come across anyone in real life that's even remotely interested in the kind of lifestyle I'm interested in. As I get older and the more I experience, I realize more and more the qualities I am looking for in a disciplinarian. I'm understanding more of what I need and want, and I know it's out there...somewhere...
Years ago...I'd say at least 15 (wow, seems Much longer than that), I finally discovered there were people out there, other Adults like me, that shared my desire to be spanked! And that's when I joined MsDawn and her girls and was given the name "sly" by my big sister. I was formally trained on online etiquette and how to be an online submissive. That is when my alter ego was born and the first time in my life I was able to embrace my inner self and not feel like such an outcast.
My girlfriend at the time and I had a very short bought with a couple once. Hard core BDSMers and we had no business messing around with that...but those were just a session or two. The first was a heavy session for a first timer. I wasn't sure of anything. She worked my back and bottom fairly intensely with a flogger and a leather belt, but I hardly even reacted to it. I think it surprised her and the two others that were there that I hardly even flinched. I was deemed the "stoic subbie" that night.
The closest I've ever come to finding what I need emotionally has been online with a wonderful woman named "Angie." She is the one who gave me my middle and last "sub" name, Samantha Johnson. She's a great Mommy, and I've loved her for 4 years...there aren't even enough words to thank her for what she has done for me.
I tried to find that same emotional connection with a local woman the last half of '09 in hopes of having both the emotional and physical all in one. I had the BEST time with her, and it was an exceptional experience, but it's over now, and I have to move on.
THE SADIST...
The first half of '09, I had a live experience with an old "friend" of mine. We had been online friends since way back in the MsDawn days. I had even been her submissive online for a time, and we had met in person a few years before. But when met face to face as Domme/submissive...well, lets just say it wasn't a good match after all. I want it to be known that it was a Horrible, degrading experience and one that I would like to forget ever happened. Traumatic comes to mind when I have to think of that time...*SHUDDERS* That was a great example of why it is Not a good idea to keep overlooking & ignoring All the warning signs. (oh, the warning signs...all the many, Many warning signs...) That was SO my fault. Lesson Learned!
The Domme...
And there was one other. She was a Domme that I found advertising on Craig's list. She knew how to swing a belt! She was good at that...gave me what I needed physically. I mean, she really was good at that...had good tone when scolding, great technique, imaginative ideas. She was going through all the right motions, but I just didn't get any of the emotional rush, which in turn, I wasn't achieving sub space, nor was it turning me on. I think something might have developed over time, maybe...but she was rushing and trying to have it all in a day, and I wasn't feeling it, it showed, and she dismissed me. I think her ultimate goal was orgasm, and I wanted it to be more genuine with some depth. I was not comfortable having a sexual relationship with her. I think I hurt her ego. It was not intentional.
So besides describing the two other long term, domestic partners I've had, that's about all the experience I've had. The two long term were just vanilla's trying to make me happy, and once the new wore off, the play was over. The love remains, but so does this insatiable need, and I have to pursue my hearts desire to feel whole.
And here follows, the Lost Blog. A tiny written account of my experience as they happened over this past year...
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Searching...
This is just a draft.
Yes, after all these years of longing, cravings and desire, I finally stepped out of the box and tried to make my dreams a reality...
I laughed and told my girlfriend that I have been through two Dommes already this year. It's not looking too good for me so far! I laugh because it's so out of character of me to be seeking this out in the first place, but to be becoming somewhat of a ...well, I wouldn't say Pro, but, I'm definitely not hiding in the back corner anymore, That's for sure! The simple fact that I have put myself out there at all is a Huge step.
My girlfriend and I have discussed this insatiable desire I have to have a disciplinarian in my life. I've Always needed it...Always desired it. I'm 40 years old, and it won't go away! So, we talked, hashed and got through and decided that together, we will find a disciplinarian for me. Someone that will fit into our lives as easily as we will fit into theirs. There is Bound to be someone out there that is looking for the same type of unique relationship that will gel well with us.
So, I decided I would blog bits and pieces of my experiences through this journey as a way to help sort through what it is that I'm looking for and to help understand things that have gone wrong in the past.
Do not mistake, though. I do have a Mommy that loves me very much. I have discussed this need with her as well, and she is in agreement that I need someone close by that can physically administer punishments. Ideally, I would be able to find someone who would love to act as a surrogate Mommy and step in when my Mommy calls on her to do so. Luckily for me, my girlfriend does serve as surrogate when needed, but we would prefer someone else step in and assume that role.
Posted by Sly Johnson at 11:48 AM 0 comments
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Last night...
Well...here i am again...over extended! Forgot a had a time limit on blogging about last night's session...Time is Not my friend!
It was Great! It was so nice to riding over there, knowing that i was going to get spanked. i loved that i was going to Her house for a change. i liked knowing i was going to be on Her turf, and the house was new and unknown to me...and that in itself was a turn on.
The house was great! Loved the garden area! Loved the garage apartment off to the right of the house. But the Master bedroom was to Die for! Stand up shower, garden tub with a Huge windown right in front...i wonder how many of the neighbors saw us last night? *giggles*
i was guided to a big, puffy chair by my nipples, restrained, then was told to take two steps back away from the back of the chair, then was told to bend over and lay my forehead on a throw pillow She had placed there. The She scolded me...brought up things i had already forgotten about, then She spanked me pretty hard with a couple of differnt paddles...til i was begging and screaming for Her to stop...Promising Never to misbehave again. i hope She doesn't Really hold me to that promise!
and the next thing i remember was laying across the bed, face down, scooted up so my head was off the bed, looking down at the floor. She straddled my head, told me to grab Her ankles, She leaned over my body and started spanking me Really, Really Hard! and i was fussing and begging and crying for Her to stop, and when i started wiggling or fussing too much, She clamped Her legs closed around my head to calm me down. It was a Very Hot session! i'd never had that done to me before, and i like it!
More so, last night was a time for me to please my Mistress. And, by the look on Her face, the sound of her moans, and the condition of the bed and sheets when we were done, i'd say i did my job as Her submissive last night. *Big Proud Smile*
:::looking at the time::: Well...not to rush you away or anything...but i'm working on a deadline here, and i wam trying to stay in good graces for at Least a 24 hour period before i start racking up more punishments!
Lots and lots more happened, and i'll write more later about it, maybe.
Till next time!
love,
~sly!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 11:40 AM 1 comments
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Sessions...
i've always loved this picture...and now i have a really good reason to post it. It's a great depiction of what's to come tomorrow evening...my Mistress will be waiting for me. And the look on this Mistress's face is, i'm sure, Very much going to look a lot like that on my Mistress's face when i arrive...
Well...tomorrow nights the night. i'm to meet my Mistress at Her new house at 8 pm Sharp! For every 5 minutes i'm late (and i don't plan to be late!!!), i will have 4 more paddles added on to my already Huge list of paddlings i have coming already.
i'm nervous. i'm excited. And my Mistress deserves some special pampering after all She's been through the past couple of weeks. She's had a lot of stress that Always comes with the purchase of a new home, She's had deadlines to meet with school, and She's had to deal with me and my attitude during all of this as well...
Between my company being here for so long, and Her life and all that's going on right now, we have not been able to concentrate on Us, so all of you must know what happens in a little subbie's mind when no one seems to be paying attention for a while...well...they just don't do well!
i am ready for my Mistress to take charge again. i am ready to obey Her. i want to be Her good girl again and make Her happy. i know i've been a bad girl. and i know i deserve the spankings i'm going to get tomorrow night. i've been Really bad and pushing Her and bratting Big Time! i am surprised She is allowing me to go on my little weekend getaway this weekend, but i am sure that i will be remembering our little "Talk" All weekend Long! Something tells me a 7 hour drive sitting on top of a freshly paddled bottom is going to be a challenge! i hope She remembers and is kind and makes sure there are no visible marks for when i go to the beach and the springs!
*Sighs*
i'm ready to be Her good girl again...
love,
~sly
Posted by Sly Johnson at 5:07 PM 0 comments
Labels: Sessions
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Ten Minutes on The Wall...
Last week, when She was here, She immediately took my nipples in her fingers and reminded me that i was Her girl! i know i'm Her girl. my nipples were already so sore, because for two days prior to our meeting, She had me wear my nipple clamps in preparation for Our session. She does this knowing that when She is not here, all the conditioning and attention She pays to them, all it takes is a certain tone in Her voice over the phone, and my nipples will get hard for Her. A simple text, warning me or scolding me, and my nipple react and get Hard for Her...
She has chosen to use this method as a training tool. And trust me, it has been a Very Effective little tool for Her. So, when she was here last week, after She played and teased me for what seemed like forever, until i was all drawn up tight into little hard balls. She pulled on them a bit and attached the clamps...the one with the weight attached. She said it was time for my punishments.
She likes to make me lean against the wall, hands on the wall sorta spread eagle like, with bottom sticking out, the nipple weight dangling and pulling my sore nipples...and then the paddling starts...and that damn weight swings forward, then side to side as i try to keep as still as i can! And then *WHACK!* Another lick from that nasty paddle! *WHACK!* And my nipples are being jerked around and *WHACK!* pulled *WHACK!* and twisted *WHACK!* and i'm not allowed to break position or She'll start all over again!
my Mistress keeps Her promise of a punishment, and the paddling continues much longer than my giggly little inner brat would like, and i start to beg my Mommy to stop, and i Promise to be Oh So Good! But my Mommy knows better, and She knows best, and Her grip tightens and She brings that paddle down, Hard, on my bottom again...and again...and again.... my pussy just throbs and i realize how wet i am getting... my bottom's on fire! my nipples Hurt! And in between the crisp, sounding slaps against my naughty ass, i hear Her voice, scolding me, almost taunting me about my punishment. Making me feel So childish! i'm ashamed of my actions...i'm embarrassed to be treated in such a way, but We both know this is what has to be done.
But what happened next, i was Not expecting. The paddling stopped, and i felt Her hands running all over my body, across my sore bottom, caressing as She did, bringing me back down in preparation to send me back up again...
She reached up and brought my right hand off the wall and placed it in the small of my back. She then did the same with my other arm...and then i felt the tight, secure Velcro restraints close around each wrist, and my pussy throbbed even more. At this time, She has me standing straight up again, turns me around and She takes the leads on the clamps, slightly tugging at my nipples as if i am to follow Her...*MELTS* and follow Her, i do...down the hall, bare, red ass glowing all the way, my wrist bound behind my back being lead by my nipples behind my Mistress...
She goes into the garage for a hammer and nail, and then She leads me into the guest bedroom. She said "This is going to be your wall, sly. When I call you and tell you you are to give Me 10 minutes on the wall, this is what I will be talking about." And She stands me up to the wall, lifts the chain to my clamps and tells me to stand on my tippey toes. i do...and She pulls the chain tight, lifting my breast up high by my nipples and then hammers the nail through a specially marked rung so i'll know which one to use next time, and told me this is my corner time today. i will be standing here, wrist bound behind my back, nipples pulled high and taught, standing on my tippey toes...feeling every Tiny tug as i struggle to keep on my toes until my Mistress decides to take me down.
i am dripping wet by now...and i can feel Her behind me...watching me...in Her gentle voice now, giving me soft and encouraging words to help keep me focused, but at the same time, She's still being strict, and a bit taunting still, saying things like, "Mommy's little girl was a bad little girl this week, and bad girl's Have to be punished. Mommy doesn't like punishing Her baby...but She Will! Mommy loves Her baby! Loves her enough to hold her responsible..." And things like that that She knows i have to hear during punishments.
She also makes certain that i am aware that once i come off that wall, "what Else happens to naughty little girls, sly? Hmmm?? Tell Mommy what else happens to little naughty girl's bottoms when they misbehave? Hmmm??"
Hearing those words coming from Her mouth, i feel like my legs have melted away from beneath me and i am left hanging there only by my nipples, and i wait for Her to take me down...lost in subspace...reconnected, once again, with my Mistress.
love,
~sly
Posted by Sly Johnson at 9:22 PM 3 comments
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Learning...
Something i've learned lately...
When you are begging for your Mommy to stop spanking you, and your Mommy asks you Why should she stop spanking you, you should not answer, "Because it hurts!" This is Not the answer she is looking for!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 1:56 PM 5 comments
Monday, June 22, 2009
What in the Hell am i doing??
i don't think i'm doing this right at all...
GOSH!
Posted by Sly Johnson at 10:55 PM 7 comments
New Beginnings...
i wished for a strong, strict, nurturing Woman to take charge and teach me accountability, structure, guidance and discipline. i crave the sting of Your hand against my skin. i must experience the passion of Your belt burning my soul. i sought You and found You, and now i present myself to You. Take me, in time, once You see me. i am here...
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